waiting. . .

Went to the neuro-center today. Basically nothing new, just went over a lot of the same stuff, just in more detail. I did find out why they are drilling two holes in my head--the first is for the the endoscope to reach the ventricle to create the drain, the second is to access the tumor. Also, I learned the scope is a rigid object. For some reason, I had it in my mind as it being snake-like. Instead, it is a solid hollow tube into which they can insert whichever tool they need at that time--a light, a grabby hand thing (like the kind park cleaners or old people use, I imagine), a suction tool. The doc told me there were around ten or eleven, all told.

I tried to find out as much about his plan as I could. But he basically explained he had to play it as it laid--once he got in there and got a look at the inside of my head, that would dictate what he would do. So I imagine him as a jazz guitarist- a lot of improvising. It's a bit scary, this freestyle surgery.

Vitaz is not exactly a people person. He doesn't look me in the eye when he speaks. He often speaks to me with his eyes closed. But I'm confident now--after plenty of vetting--that he is an excellent surgeon. So who gives a shit about his ability to make me feel good about him. What matters is how good he is at getting a piece of this tumor so we can best figure out what to do next.

So we're trying to schedule the surgery soon. I was hoping tommorrow, but obviously that's not happening. It's also looking like Wednesday won't happen either. I expect to find out more tomorrow.

My father is arriving tonight. He hasn't flown in, I don't know, maybe 35 years. he didn't even have an id. He had to today go to DMV, get a temp id, get an ok from the airline that that would be ok, then booked a flight. He was very nervous about having to change flights. He was very nervous about the whole thing, really.

I hope having my father here will be more of a help than a hindrance. I worry he'll need attention, and I don't have the time or ability to give it right now.

Gotta run. I do not have enough time to write.